In the realm of dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), one of the most powerful tools in a therapist’s arsenal is DEARMAN. This acronym stands for Describe, Express, Assert, Reinforce, Mindful, Appear confident, and Negotiate. It is a structured communication skill that empowers individuals to effectively express their needs, wants, and boundaries in a clear and assertive manner while maintaining respect for themselves and others.
DBT, developed by Dr. Marsha Linehan, is a comprehensive cognitive-behavioral therapy that combines acceptance and change-based strategies. It is particularly effective in treating individuals struggling with emotion regulation, interpersonal effectiveness, distress tolerance, and mindfulness.
Understanding DEARMAN: A Breakdown
Describe
In the DEARMAN model, ‘Describe’ serves as the foundation. This step involves providing a clear and concise account of the situation without adding judgment, interpretation, or assumptions. It lays the groundwork for effective communication by setting the stage for a mutual understanding of the context.
For instance, if a client is having a conflict with a colleague at work, they might ‘Describe’ the situation by saying, “Yesterday during our team meeting, when discussing the project timeline, I noticed that my concerns weren’t fully addressed.”
Express
Following ‘Describe’ is ‘Express,’ which involves sharing one’s feelings or thoughts about the situation. This step encourages individuals to be open and honest about their emotions, fostering a deeper level of connection and understanding.
Using the same example, the individual might ‘Express’ themselves by saying, “I felt frustrated and unheard during the meeting, which left me feeling somewhat undervalued.”
Assert
‘Assert’ is the pivotal step where individuals clearly state their needs or wishes. This part of the process empowers individuals to advocate for themselves in a respectful and confident manner, allowing them to take ownership of their feelings and needs.
For example, the individual might ‘Assert’ by saying, “I would like to request a follow-up discussion to address my concerns and ensure they are taken into consideration moving forward.”
Reinforce
‘Reinforce’ involves acknowledging the potential benefits or positive outcomes that may arise from meeting the individual’s request. This step highlights the value of finding a mutually agreeable solution.
In this instance, the individual might ‘Reinforce’ by saying, “By having this discussion, I believe we can enhance team collaboration and ultimately lead to a more successful project outcome.”
Mindful
The ‘Mindful’ step emphasizes the importance of staying present and focused during the interaction. It encourages individuals to maintain their composure, avoid becoming defensive or aggressive, and approach the conversation with an open mind.
Appear Confident
Appearing confident does not mean feigning self-assuredness but rather presenting oneself authentically and assertively. This step reinforces the importance of self-respect and reinforces the individual’s right to advocate for their needs.
Negotiate
The final step, ‘Negotiate,’ involves finding a middle ground or compromise that addresses the needs and concerns of all parties involved. It encourages collaboration and fosters a sense of mutual respect.
Integrating DEARMAN into Therapeutic Practice
Utilizing DEARMAN in therapy sessions can be transformative. It equips clients with a structured framework to navigate challenging interpersonal situations. By mastering DEARMAN, individuals can effectively communicate their needs and boundaries, leading to healthier relationships and improved emotional well-being.
To learn more about DEARMAN and its applications in DBT, visit the official DBT-Linehan Board of Certification website.
In conclusion, DEARMAN is a powerful tool within the DBT framework, offering individuals a structured approach to effective communication. By incorporating these steps into their interactions, individuals can assert their needs and maintain respect for themselves and others. As therapists, integrating DEARMAN into our practice can empower our clients to navigate complex social dynamics with confidence and authenticity.
